Dear Gods My Games Room Has… SHRUNK!!!

I was standing in the corner of my games room this morning and I was struck by a shocking realisation. I was never going to fit this new Warhammer army in. I shuffled down the goat trails and in and out of the alleyways and it occurred to me that my room had shrunk.

Hi, Welcome to your games room!

There was little room to fit anything new in and everything old seemed way more tightly packed than before. Items were touching the ceiling. It was incredibly disconcerting to find that, what was an ample space, had gotten so much smaller. I mean I have only been using this space for three years. How could it have gotten so small?

Theepiooo! we can’t even fit two gaming tables in here!!!

So immediately I got out the tape measure. I measured not once, not twice but thrice. The tape measure had clearly shrunk as well. Not happy with this mechanical device I decided to trust in Science™. Grabbing my wife’s laser level I bounded downstairs to get a truly accurate picture of the physics defying nature of my rooms volume decline.

If I have said it once, I have said it thousands of times… Science™ is just plain wrong. This dastardly magic light measuring hoodoo voodoo. Marvels of modern engineering had failed me. How could I possibly confirm my worst fears? How could I prove to myself and the world that my room was betraying me and all my ideals, like a lowly servant of a dark god discovering the wonders of a lawful good alignment.

Remember when that scientist resurrected those Dinosaurs. Chilling documentary.

I called a Building Engineer, he hung up. An Architect, there was only the faint chirp of crickets after I explained my ordeal. Three separate Shaman’s and a Wiccan all laughed so hard they nearly vomited. Why did nobody care that my room had become as strange and unexplained as Area 51? I mean it’s shrunk so small I can’t even get my arms into the right position to Naruto Run.

Okay, Laugh all you want, but in 8000 years when you finally die…I’ll be laughing.

I unpacked it, then repacked it. Now it’s like there is even less space than when this saga began.

My wife suggested that perhaps… maybe… possibly… just the tiniest bit… could I have too much stuff? She’s in cahoots with whatever foul 7th dimensional being tore apart the fabric of reality and made it so my room is just a little too small to hold this one final box.

Look, all this inter-dimensional vendetta talk is giving me a headache. Can’t you just go play some Lego?

I screamed my anguish into the night. I howled and sobbed with equal parts grief and horror. The dark entities that had made a pact and so allied themselves to drive me mad would not let me be. Their energies had been bent on shrinking my room by a small amount just to so they could taste the sweet saltiness of my tears.

Then… as if clouds had parted, I saw it. A 50ltr plastic box with the tell tale sign of space. The light glinted of its opaque but slightly translucent exterior. The shadows thrown by its internal contents revealing a small cavity. I slid my latest purchase inside and closed the lid. I re-stacked the other four boxes on top and I smiled.

It’s like gods anus shining through…

The sense of relief that washed over me, felt all at once like a lovers embrace and the sweet refreshment of a just hot enough bath. The walls visibly retreated back to their original locations and the tape measure made a snapping sound as if its spring steel length had been freed of some unearthly bonds.

I surveyed my room, like a king surveys his lands from atop the battlements. Victory was mine. I pulled the door shut with a satisfying click.

This is how I imagine myself when I don’t want people to see how awesome I am…

All was well with the world, reality was restored. Physics was no longer pulled taut and threatening to snap under the duress of otherworldly powers. An ocean of evil had pulled back, as if the tide would no longer heed their sibilant whispers.

I knew as sure as the sun would rise in the morning that the incorporeal beasts would return to seek their revenge. The tide of that which I had cast away, would rush back bringing new horror and fresh trials.

Check it out…tide imagery

I sat down to tell you this. To be sure that if I fall to these creatures you would know my tale. That you could forearm yourself in the war against such malevolent forces.

Hey check it out, Amazon has some cheap boxes of A Song of Ice and Fire Miniatures…

Hrmmm… Boardgames Gelphling Hrmmmm

The tide is rising…

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