Wednesday Night Warhammer! Chaos in the Bowl!

It’s Wednesday Night Warhammer!

In this week’s episode, I learn a thing or two in Blood bowl and we also enjoy a game of Chaos in the Old World.

How’s everyone doing? Good? Great! Let’s get into it…

So after being completely smashed by a Skaven team in my previous Blood Bowl report, I decided to try a few things differently and give the rats another go. As we were playing league style games, any experience from previous games would be carried over. So my opponent Bens’ Gutter runner rats, the ones that kept scoring, received enough points from touchdowns to make them even better, with new learned skills. Great, just what they needed.

The only player on my team to get a boost was Chunks, my Flesh golem, who caused enough casualties to earn himself a skill… in the form of Mighty Blow. This ability will make it a little easier for him to injure other players, so hopefully this will have a snow ball effect… more casualties means more experience.

I’ll make this report fairly quick as we’ve 2 games to get through this week:

The start of the match ran pretty much exactly the same as the last game. I couldn’t hold the Skaven back and they dodged, ducked, dipped, dived and dodged their way to an early touchdown. Fantastic… looks like I hadn’t learned a thing.

Trying to keep my cool before I spiraled into self-pity, I used the power of the thought bubble and a hazy, somewhat distant image of the previous game appeared in my third eye. An ethereal yet wise voice echoed from the recesses of my mind with the words “Use the force… of your fists to beat the opposition. Use… The… Force….”. So I did. No finesse needed here folks, it’s time to grind some rats into the ground.

Through the course of the game I was able to score 4 casualties in total while receiving zero.

To add some icing on that already delicious cake, one of my lowly zombies (whom I’ve named Farmer Joe) managed a casualty that resulted in death! So while I’m happily munching on my tasty, tasty cake with sweet, sweet icing, a cherry decides to place itself on top of that already scrumptious dessert.

Let me explain (otherwise my analogy doesn’t make much sense): Normally your team can hire an Apothecary to help heal any injured players after the game. As my team (Necromantic) and any other Undead can’t heal, ‘cos you know… they’re undead, they can’t hire an Apothecary. Instead they can have their necromancer raise 1 player from the dead as a zombie to use in your team! Winning!

Run Forrest, Run!

“Run Forrest, Run!”

So although I might have lost the match again, I feel like I’ve won in spirit at least. Oh, the game also wasn’t a complete thwacking as I managed to only lose by 1 touchdown this time. I’m getting closer to a victory!

Now on to game number 2.

Playing my Necro team once more, I had a match against another WNW regular, Viv ( I know I said I was playing Huw last week, but Viv was about and Huw wasn’t). He hadn’t played the game before so it was more of a learning game (and no experience will be carried over for this match.. a good thing too as something terrible happened… :o). Not knowing anything about the game, we gave Viv a pre-written Chaos list comprising of Chaos Warriors and Beastmen.
“Right, this should be easy then” my brain thought to itself “A slower team with no player abilities and a coach who’s new to the game… I’ve got this”.

As with all my games it seems, I just can’t get a break.

So the Chaos team, I found, was a mediocre agility and speed team that punched like a punching machine set to high. Within the first couple of turns a single Beastmen charged Chunks, my star thumper, and took him down. He pierced through Chunks’ armour and rolled 12 on the injury table… DEATH! My heart sank as my favourite player was on the brink of acting out his name. He had the rule “Regeneration” though which could prevent death on a roll of 4+ with 1 die. I couldn’t do it though (stupid rigged dice is all I can say). Chunks was just that… chunks.
If I could have built a miniature funeral pyre I would have, with miniature bagpipes being played and miniature mourners dressed in black sobbing all miniature–like.

Chunks, you will be missed and avenged!

So this game was not at all like the game vs Skaven. This was more like a game of Warhammer. We both only managed 1 touchdown a piece and had so few players left on the field by end game that the total number of player left standing wouldn’t even be enough for a single team. I blame the weather for this though, yes you read right, the flippin’ weather.

Around the start of the second half we had to roll on the weather chart to see how it affected the field. A double one was rolled which meant there was a heatwave. In turn every player had to roll a die and on a roll of 1, they suffered heatstroke and had to rest until the next drive (when someone scores a touchdown). Guess what? Yep, almost half of my team roll 1’s. All I was left with was a single Wight, a ghoul and 4 zombies. Sometimes you just can’t win.

Viv didn’t get off scot-free either, losing 2 players to the heat (as well as a couple of casualties and a Chaos warrior being sent off the field for attempted fouling). So the end turns were just a smash fest to see who could injure the other team more.

Looks more like an office x-mas party at a park than a game of Blood Bowl.

Looks more like an office x-mas party at a park than a game of Blood Bowl.

While that second game was a huge change when compared to Skaven, I still had a ball (or should I say bowl 😉 ) and much learnings were had.

With time to spare we decided to bust out Chaos in the Old World (CITOW) and give that a burl. For those who’ve never heard of this one before,  CITOW is a board game based in the Warhammer worlds’ Empire region. It contains a game board, cards, little figures to represent your daemons and a bunch of cardboard tokens. Each player (max 4) plays as one of the four Chaos gods trying to destroy the Empire while at the same time making sure that they are in top position when the world is consumed (or after a bunch of turns, whatever comes first).  There are limited game turns and if the empire is still standing by the end, all players lose. Back-stabbery ensues.

The board is sooo puuurdy! (In that map-drawn-on-a-piece-of-flayed-skin sort of way)

The board is sooo puuurdy! (In that map-drawn-on-a-piece-of-flayed-skin sort of way)

I can’t go into too much detail without completely losing you, so I won’t, but you have to believe me that it is a brilliant board game. Each of the four Gods plays a little differently and has different goals to achieve victory. Khorne for example, gains points for beating other players and heroes in combat. Simple and straight forward. Slaanesh on the other hand gains points by corrupting regions that contain human nobles and heroes.

In the game we played I was given the role of Tzeentch, the most difficult of the four Gods to play. I had to find regions infected with warpstone tokens or magic and corrupt that region. To corrupt you need cultists to do your dirty work and daemons to protect them. Which would be fine if there wasn’t a certain Khorne player who seemed to have a beef with me and cut down my cultists as often as he could *cough Nick cough*. So while we were trying to avoid Khorne, sneaky Slaanesh (Huw) flew under the radar and achieved victory by corrupting enough regions with Nobles to win. No one noticed that he was doing this until it was too late. We made a scrambled effort, coordinating our remaining moves to prevent Huw from winning… unsuccessfully. Slaanesh reigned supreme.

Oh wells, next time Gadget!

And on that note, I shall leave it there my pretties.
Next week? Actual Warhammer… that game this segment is named after… for reals!

We’ll be testing our lists for the upcoming Melbourne Warhammer tournament “Moonstruck“ which is fast approaching (June? I dunno I should probably check that. Queens b’day weekend rings a bell).

Until next time folks,


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