The ‘Bank’ won’t approve the purchase?

This is a one dimensional caricature, no-ones wife is this easy going.

I’ve been wargaming, roleplaying and boardgaming for a long time. I was 13 when I started and I’m 35 now. When I started I spent every penny I had and now… well what the wife doesn’t know wont hurt her.

Now I’m gonna get it out there right now. My wife is no harridan and is very supportive of my hobbies. She smiles and politely pretends to care. Also, wives aren’t the only ones who can be down on your purchases. Girlfriends, boyfriends, husbands, friends, co-workers and parents can all fail to understand or outright refuse to let you get that Waterloo army you saw in the hobby shop.

Here’s a few life hacks to get you around this problem.

Don’t tell, hope they don’t ask…

Just hope no-one in your family has +5 for lock-picking.

It’s possibly the simplest way to avoid discord with the people in your life. Just don’t say anything about what you bought. If you just got yourself a wicked guild crew for Malifaux, just shut up.

Its a tablet… no don’t swallow it.

I know it’s hard not to talk about the awe inspiring sculpting coming from Wyrd Games’ extremely talented development team. It is in your best interests not to talk about it though. Just quietly shunt them away into your gaming area. Imagine you are hiding microfilm from the government or herbs from your Grandma. Seriously Grandma, your cooking is great, but stay outta my room.

Months later just start using them as if you had always had them and shrug when people ask where they came from.

They are a friend’s, I’m painting them for him/her/them…

This is a good one, I used to use this on my mum. How was she to know I couldn’t paint for the dickens?

This is just my own hands.

It will work well, though it’s probably not the best choice for fooling a significant other. They will most likely get upset that you are wasting more of your spare time on something other than them. It’s good for parents and that’s about it. They don’t understand the vagaries of miniature ownership. They come from a generation of sharing and helpfulness. They will think they raised you right, that you are a good human being. That makes them look good and they will beam with pride… not much though, you’re still a basement dwelling wargamer.

Small victories right?

I won them…

I know, I win at life then this.

This may be the most cunning of them all. It would have worked on my dad if he had have stopped long enough to ask what I was doing. He would just quietly sob when he saw my miniatures then take his rifle and the dog hunting.

Sure, you will get a lot of questions arising from this one. Easily bolstered by more lying. Just double down.

“What competition?” The one at Games Workshop. So simple a reply.

“Oh, so they are just giving people free models now are they?” This is a trap question. They are not giving free anything, you got some free entries last time you bought something. C’mon folks. No amateurish answers here. Mix in some reality.

He said he killed fifty elves yesterday. I got excited for a moment before I realized.

“That seems like a lot for a prize?” It’s cheap plastic dear. They just write it off as marketing. People don’t understand how things get written off. This answer will really bamboozle ’em.

“This just doesn’t make sense, why give it away when you idiots buy it anyway?” They know people will come in for the draw and impulse buy ten times as much. It’s like when you go shopping for shoes.

Be creative but careful. Also this is really a one use only excuse, so save it for when you buy all the new releases for a game or faction. This is not a $12 blister pack kind of excuse.

I traded away some of my old stuff for this…

Swap for this… she will understand then.

Watch the relief as they think “Well, at least the collection didn’t get bigger.”

They are not keeping track of what you own. A Trollkin is the same as a Stormcast Eternal or a Dindrenzi Cruiser to them. This little doozy gives hope. Maybe one day you will start trading your models for fresh cut flowers or candy, or a six pack of beer. One day…

Have a second secret family, one that approves of everything you do… nay loves and cherishes it…

They overlook the miniatures, I overlook the big brass band.

Hands down the hardest to pull off, you are going to need to meet someone new, start a whole life with them, and maintain your old life and job. You’er going to need a much higher income.

You will need to befriend a whole new crowd of people and endear yourself to new in-laws. I mean, where are you even going to find another goofy Uncle Donald who gets drunk and a little offensive at family gatherings? That’s a lot of effort.

Still if you pull this one off…

Glory, so much Glory!

Try some of these out and see if they get you off the hook.

The alternative is setting a budget, being reasonable and working as a team towards your shared life goals. C’mon there must be an easier way than this. I wanna win the eternal game!!!

The one who dies with the most games wins.

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One Comment
  1. November 9, 2017 | Reply

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