Welcome back, dear readers, to the next instalment of “Rumble in the Bronx 2014. Episode 2: Squigs of Sub-par Performance”
Wellity wellity wellity, picking up where we left off, it is now morning on the 2nd day of the tournament. Gathering my brain (which was still weary from the previous day’s thinkage), I left for Geelong on the road to some liquid breakfast. Said breakfast could only be found at a popular local fast food chain and came in the form of a hot chocolate… sweet sweet chocolate. For those who aren’t in the know, this is the breakfast of champions… and people who couldn’t be bothered fixing something decent.
I mentally attempted to convince myself that the choice of beverage was indeed for the former reason, that I was a champion, not that I was lazy. This attempt failed. Note, this was the beginning of my triumphant failed attempts at everything I aimed to achieve in the coming 3 games of Warhammer.
Speaking of which, Warhammer!
Game 4. Battle for the Pass. Vs Wood Elves. Boast = Assassinate… kill the General.
“Hoo-boy” was my first thought. Wood Elves in a game where we deploy on the short table edges.
“I’m just going to get shot off before making combat” was my second thought.
When my opponent Johannes arrived, bright and chipper (a worrying disposition considering the time of day) he handed me his army list to look over.
“Oh, that’s not too bad I guess” was my third thought.
Here’s what he was rocking:
Durthu the Treeman
Unit of Glade Guard with Fancy Arrows of Almost Always Hitting (aka FAAAH .. the sound you make when the unit shoots at you)
A small block of Dryads
A unit of Wild Riders
A unit of Glade Riders
A unit of Sisters of the Thorns
A large troupe of Wardancers
A small circle of Wardancers
A lone birdie
Right, so being Battle for the Pass there was no way I could skirt around his army for flank charges (not enough room) or hold back just to get a shot off. I guess I was lucky that Johannes didn’t have more shooting than he did. I assumed that he’d want to run at me with his Treeman and Wardancers and then deliver a killing strike with his Wild Riders. His bird and small wardancer group would attempt to pop my mangler Squig and force my fanatics to be released.
Hoping Skarsnik would throw a spanner in the works, Johannes rolled to see what was able to deploy… only the dryads were delayed this game. Skarsnik must also have been tired from yesterday’s sneaky schemes and tricksy traps.
Well, having one unit pretty much out of the game was better than a kick in the teeth. Those Dryads would end up taking all 6 turns running forward to catch up with everyone else.
“Wait for us guys!” the Dryads creaked to their elven comrades who were miles ahead of them.
“Go away! No one likes you. You’re too scratchy and you’re no longer relevant in this army. Get another point in strength and then we’ll talk” the Elf BSB hollered back as he skipped and frolicked ever forward.
So, having deployed, we were both ready to… err… rumble.
Spot the Dryads!
Johannes had the first turn and he shuffled about (or should I say, danced about) for the most part, getting ready to either charge of be charged. As I was still a little ways off from making an assault he pew pewed my hoppers and lined up his forces for a second turn smash fest.
Not having much else I could do but move forward, that’s what I did. I attempted to find a position for my goblins that wouldn’t allow a lone eagle to fly in and force my fanatics to be released but I just didn’t have the room.
Turn 2… Smash fest. Johannes’ dancers pirouetted and flipped their way into combat with my hoppers, Durthu made a decent charge into a Squig herd and the bird kakawed its way into a fanatic wrecking ball. Now I had a bunch of off-their-face goblins whizzing about in front of me (and one behind… waiting for an ambush). Dang!
Oh well, what can you do. Let’s just hope they fling themselves in the opposite direction.
With the mid game coming up, battles were taking place towards the centre of the table.
*The Wardancers boogied their way through the hoppers and into my large goblin block
*My smaller unit of Squigs bounced their way into the side of Durthu, which in turn, would be rear charged by Wild Riders.
* The Sisters decided to flee from the Giant Squig which would then crawl its way into combat with the tiny wardancer unit.
With all this going on, the dryads continued to march up the table.
The fighting begins in earnest. It doesn’t look very exciting, but trust me, it was.
So, I thought I had the Durthu combat in the bag. There was a lot of S5 attacks headed his way with 1 unit getting re-rolls of all missed hits and wounds (thanks to a spell). The stubborn tree wouldn’t fall, though. His armour and ward saves were just too much. Having lost the fight, with dwindling Squigs and with the rear charge from the Wild Riders a turn later, the unit popped and the Great Tree was free to trundle forward and take more of my toys off the table.
That is until the Squig Gobba spat at him. Direct hit once again! Failed ward save! Enough wounds to chop it down! Hooray! Boast achieved and a big threat gone.
Getting bored, the smaller goblin block attacked the back end of the Wild Riders, and in turn, was flanked by the Sisters. This combat didn’t last very long. The goblins held out as best they could but just could not dish out the wounds needed to survive. Pop!
Meanwhile, after what seemed like an eternity, the Wardancers finally lost a combat. The tune changing to one which offended their pointy ears, the elves attempted to flee the dance floor only to stumble and be cut down by the goblins.
The small wardancer unit didn’t prove much of a snack so the Giant Squig turned around and made for the pretty ponies. An easy reach for such a large monster. It chewed through the remaining Wild Riders but choked on the BSB.
As the end game approached, the Glade Riders made their appearance. The Squig Gobba was their first target. Once that was dispatched, the rear of the goblin block was next. Easily making the charge they pummeled in. It was too little too late though. The horde held out, as did the BSB.
The Giant Squig whispers sweet nothings into the ear of the BSB.
The game concluded as a loss to me, not a huge one, but a loss all the same. Comp only helped a little as did the boast. 7.5 – 12.5
Well if that game didn’t wake me up, I didn’t know what would.
Oh yeah, lunch!
Learning our lessons from the day before, a friend and I ordered a bowl of chips each (with gravy). Nothing well balanced by any stretch but it was easy to prepare, therefore, it should arrive with plenty of time to spare. Which it did. Which meant I could gear up and get ready for…
Game 5. Watchtower (*groan*) Vs Beastmen. Boast = Keep my General alive
Flippin’ Watchtower. The worst scenario by far. In this game whoever holds the watchtower gets a bonus 800 Victory points, which is huge! To add salt to the wound we rolled to see who would start in the tower… it was me. My army didn’t have anything legal to do, so (needing a unit no larger than 20 models from the ‘core’ section of the army book… so my goblins… which were in huge blocks) I had to give up the tower. Crud! No doubt my opponent Mark would plop a large unit in there and win >.>
Sooo, what mega smashy army was I up against this time? Let’s have a look through the round window shall we?
*dreamy chime sounds*
The standard assortment of choppy characters –
Doombull with choppy stuff and armour
BSB Mino with choppy gear and armour
A Bray-Shaman with lore with Ruby Ring of Ruin (If I remember correctly, one of these characters had the ring)
A decent block of Minotaurs
A large block of Gors
2 units of Ungor raiders
So, there’s your super unit that going into the tower… the Minotaurs. They have a bunch of wounds each and pack a punch. If they manage to get in there, which I think they will, there’s almost nothing that I can to do remove them. I’ll have to focus on removing the rest of his army to scrape enough points together to even get close to a win.
Time to deploy! Skarsnik was still tired so the majority of Mark’s army arrived normally. If the Mino’s had been forced off then I might have had a chance at the tower. Alas, it was not to be.
I popped most of my army to the one side without the river intervening and the Giant Squig and Mangler on the far opposite… mainly because there wasn’t enough room. I hoped their speed would zip them across to where the main fighting would take place. Mark did the easy thing of deploying the Mino’s opposite the tower and everything else opposite my goblins.
Yes, that’s a giant chalice of blood. It was part of the scenery.
Now with the start-up info out of the way, I thought I might re tell this battle in the form a poem… a very lengthy poem. Don’t worry, bongo drums and berets will not be required here.
Gather ‘round children for a tale most dire,
a tale of Goblins, Beastmen and fire.
Two armies lined up at their Generals command,
Rules by their sides and dice in their hands.
First turn was determined, the Beastmen surged from the border,
little magic and shooting, their plan was straightforward.
Into the Watchtower the Minotaurs ran,
As just to the left the fighting began.
Pump Wagon and Hoppers crunched into the Raiders,
The Ungors no match for the impacting invaders,
Fanatics flew out and smashed Ungor heads,
“Gahh! Screeched a goblin “Only free of ‘em deds!”
Raiders fled the field and chariots took their place,
“Let’s git ‘em Lads, It’s time ta smash face!”
Over the ways a Ghorgon spied lunch,
Goblins and Squigs would soon die by the bunch.
The Squig Gobba took aim as it shifted and coughed,
Direct hit on the Ghorgon! 6 wounds! “Take it off!”
The Beast General sighed, yet his eyes were aflame,
“You know that has happened almost every game?!”
The small Squigs charged the Mino’s, testing the water,
all attack, no defence it was all just a slaughter.
The Squigs left the combat just barely alive,
Reform, about face, their goal? Just survive!
The large Squigs charged in as animosity took hold,
the result was the same, those Squigs just got rolled.
Safe in the tower Ruby Ring’s fire was shot,
A few sparks and some smoke, the damage? Not a lot.
Returning once more to the main focus of battle,
the goblins took charge, the Gors mooing like cattle.
The fighting raged on, the goblins lost combat by 5,
I rolled the leadership test of 4! Ermahgerd, I’m still alive!!
Feeling the stress, goblins charged the Gors’ flank,
I won combat, the Beasts ran, I’m sure my opponents heart sank.
With nothing to do the Mangler and Spider went for a walk,
Wandering about for 6 turns doing sweet all but stalk.
That ended the match and we tallied the score,
Thanks to the Watchtower it was almost a draw!
A fun match was fought, the Generals shook hands once more,
I’ve but one chance remaining to increase my score.
The last frame of the game.. it looks a little one sided, don’t you think?
… and there you go. Game 5 done and dusted. Final thoughts? “I really dislike the Watchtower”. The scenario really is determined by who starts with the tower and as you can see, I wiped all of Marks army out except for what remained in the building. The Victory points awarded brought back a major win to a draw. I only managed a slight win thanks to the small comp difference in my favour.
Tournament Organisers take note: Either remove the scenario or reduce the points the tower provides. An incentive to hold the building is needed, sure, but it shouldn’t be result defining. /endrant
Feeling utterly drained, my outfit starting to irritate, and wanting only a good meal and sleep the final game approached.
Game 6. Pitched Battle. VS Vampire Counts. Boast = Don’t let the enemy end the game in my deployment zone
The Final chapter:
The last draw of the day was announced. Looking down the list I saw the name of my next opponent… Huw.
Unsure of what to expect I placed my figures on the table which was allocated and waited. A suave character approached with a dark, charismatic demeanour, brandishing the doom of the goblins in his hands. Vampire Counts.
“A dreadful match up” I thought as my eyes scanned the figures presented before me. In case I don’t survive this encounter I’ll recap what I saw:
Heinrich Kemmler- special character
Wight King BSB – light kit
A necromancer – dispel scroll
A unit of 5 wraiths
A large skeleton bus
A small unit of zombies
A block of ghouls
A decent block of Vargheists
A unit of Hexwraiths
A small unit of Dire wolves
A unit of 2 Fell bats
My first impressions where that this army wasn’t to be feared. There was no presence of an uber killy Vampire Lord nor any knights. When I compared it to my own army though, there were a few units that would cause me a lot of grief. The Vargheists for one could decimate any of my units. Their speed, higher initiative and multitude of strong attacks could wipe out anything I might throw at them. My only defence would be fanatics and the mangle Squig.
Next up on the Vampire Counts most wanted list was the ethereals. Both forms of Wraith are immune to normal weapons. The only things that would dent these blighters are magic missiles, magic weapons and combat resolution. All these things are very light within my current army choice. I’d have to rely on luck to help me out here.
Steeling myself for the conflict to follow I shook hands with the opposition, a cold death-like grip if I ever felt one. Huw smiled slyly, showing fanged teeth. A shiver ran down my spine. It couldn’t tell if the room was getting colder due to the day waning of if it was from the chilling aura my opponent gave off.
Clouds formed overhead… it looked like a storm was brewing but there was no wind.
“Snap out of it” I said to myself sharply “He’s trying to psyche you out”.
A distant horn sounded as troops surged forward.
My army General, Skarsnik, was successful in delaying the ghouls and skeletons. A minor inconvenience to Huw I’m sure. Dire wolves raced ahead in an attempt to stall my Squig herds but failed in their mission. The Squigs charged through them like a hungry person through those plastic strip door things often found at the entrance to fish and chip shops. They overran a fair distance and lined up a couple of juicy targets, would it be zombies or skeletons?
The ethereal units and the Vargeist made straight for my main block. I couldn’t let that happen, it would be a blood bath. So I did what any scared General would do and sacrificed my hardiest unit, The Giant Squig, to delay them as best it could. A mighty roar cannoned out of the Squigs’ mouth as it charged into the corner of the Vargheists.
“Hold them for as long as you can my brave friend. Hold them!” I spoke to myself, adrenaline coursing through my veins.
The lush green of the table hid the blackness of my opponent’s unbeating heart. “Run forth dear Giant Squig, protect our lines!” I pleaded…
I attempted to blast the wraiths with magic. A few wounds were scored but nothing to diminish the threat they imposed.
In an unfortunate run of luck, my Squig Gobba took aim at the Vargheists but only managed to misfire, blowing itself up.
My Mangler Squigs tried their best to avoid the dive bombing Fell bats but their reach was unending. The bats extended themselves as far as the dark necromantic powers would allow, and just manage to collide into the Mangler. In fits of rage, the Squigs tore not only through the bats but also themselves. The bats had done what they were supposed to do.
Meanwhile, the Squig Hoppers bounded across the field and in only a couple of turns they had lined up a charge against the zombies. In they poured along with the small unit of Squigs. Rotting flesh was tossed high into the air as zombies were sent back to the grave in droves. The combat won, both units reformed and aimed themselves at the skeletons.
The large Squig unit was less successful. They bounced into the skeleton lines, aiming to make short work of the characters hiding there. Heinrich, the undead horde’s leader, was ethereal, making him unable to be targeted with any attacks. The Squigs gnashed at the air, hitting a paltry amount of skeletons and removing one of the characters. It wasn’t enough, though. Overwhelmed by sheer numbers, the Squig herders lost their nerve and turned tail to run. Now leaderless and without any motivation to chew through undead at the expense of their own lives, the Squigs dispersed explosively as the bounced in all directions, attempting to escape by any means necessary.
The smaller Squig unit and the hoppers soon charged in, one after the other, hoping to do what the previous Squigs failed to achieve.
Again, the result was the same. The only consolation prize was that only Heinrich was standing with a small bodyguard of skeletons. The Wight King and necromancer fell during the onslaught.
Rewinding time and travelling to the other side of the field, the Giant Squig was locked in combat with not only the Vargheists, but also the Wraiths. The ghouls were too afraid to enter combat, knowing that they were no match for the monster. It was a valiant but ultimately futile battle for the Giant Squig, which was able to hold out for 3 turns.
The Hexwraiths swiftly and silent flew ahead of the undead ranks, their spectral mounts hovering above the battlefield. In almost direct contrast, the Snotling Pump Wagon rattled and rolled in a mess of wood, steel and mushroom right into the flank of the Hexwraiths. Subtlety was not a word used to describe their tactics.
Nooo! Giant Squig! Your departure leaves a hole in my heart as big as the space you left on the table (have a guess where).
Charge or be charged. That was the options faced by the goblins. With an almighty war cry of screeching greenskins, an out of tune, nail on chalkboard melody roared across the field. Crunch! The goblin horde slammed into the Hexwraiths.
Seeing their undead brethren in trouble the ghouls and Vargiests followed suit, counter charging the goblins. This was less an epic battle and more a street brawl as goblin makeshift weapons met ghostly blades, tooth and claw. When the dust settled it was the unstoppable undead who were victorious.
There was no cheer, no celebration, just the deathly silence. The flapping of wings and the scrunching of feet on dirt were the only noises that could be heard.
I couldn’t whether tell it was me losing my mind or the telepathic will from my diabolical opponent Huw, but I was sure I heard maniacal laughter echo through my head. This was not a good day for the goblins but it will not be their last.
They will return in greater number.
They will return with more outlandish machines of war.
They will return with more monsters and brutish fighters.
They will return seeking vengeance.
They will Return!
So that concluded the final match of the tournament for me with a decent loss, 4 – 16 with comp and boasts included. It was a sound beating but a fun game. I’m sure there were a few things I could have done to at least draw with Huw but we were both tired and just wanted to have a fun game and not think too much.
I was much happier with my overall results too! Placing 16th of 62 contestants I think I fared quite well, especially considering that this was the first time playing as Goblins at a tournament.
Not only did I place respectably, but I also managed 2nd place for the ‘Players Choice’ army side-competition.
During lunch on the first day of the tourney, all players were asked to visit and look at every army (who wanted to take place) and cast their top 3 votes. Not bad for a 5 week army build from start to finish.
And there you have it. My Rumble in the Bronx 2014 experience. If this tournament is being held again next year then I implore all WHFB players to attend. The atmosphere was electric, the venue suitable with food onsite, and the players great. The fact that Rumble draws and encourages a softer army build is what’s most exciting as you’ll end up seeing and playing with or against units and army types that don’t normally crop up in the competitive scene. It’s breath of fresh air.
On a side note, playing as goblins was great fun. Although they can be a bit unpredictable at times, their variety and wacky rules is what makes it for me. The real test was that I wasn’t bored with playing the same army over and over again. I think next tournament I’ll run the goblins again but tweak the list a bit and use some more tried and true unit choices and see how we go.
!! COMPETITION TIME !!
ATGN are giving away a Warhammer paint set which includes:8 paints (4 layer paints, 2 base paints, a primer, and a shade), 5 Lothern Sea Guard and a brush.
All you have to do to enter is comment below with your most memorable Warhammer moment. It’s that easy!
Competition closes midnight 30th of September. Open to Australian residents only. The winner will be notified via email.
So, until next time this is Bensome signing off,
Cheers – Ben
Oh, one last thing. This is what I wore to Rumble… all weekend: